how to be happy when your heart is breaking 8:05 AM

So, I just read this blog post on one of the links I consistently follow. Just thought I'd share this with you; I know it would be big help to some people I know.

Watchin' the time go, the second hand is movin' too fast
Whoever thought that it ever really would last
And if your conscience weighs a little heavy tonight
Maybe you'll find it, maybe you'll find...
Nobody told you that nothing plays out like it seems
Twenty years now, runnin' scared of all your dreams
Is it everything you thought it would be?

When you come back, I'll be alright
On your own again, back where it all began
The phone don't ring, and the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on and on

Past is past; you never really gave it a shot
To survive with your one last shot in the dark
And if your conscience weighs a little heavy tonight
Maybe you'll find...
Empty boxes on the stairs
Remind you that there's no one there
Is it everything you thought it would be?
You'll see...

When you come back, I'll be alright
On your own again, back where it all began
The phone don't ring, and the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on and on 

You gotta go, you never knowjust how it'll all turn out
Forget what's done, the western sun
leaves no doubt

When you come back, I'll be alright
On your own again, back where it all began
The phone don't ring, and the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on and on

"On Your Own"Green River Ordinance

Though I'm not suffering from a broken heart right now, I've been there. Man, have I been there. Many, many times. More times than I'd like to admit I've been broken hearted by breaking someone else's heart. It always seems as if it'd be better to be the one ending things, but it's not. It still hurts. Like hell. But you didn't come by to hear all about the heartaches of Dani, did you? Nope, you came by some for a Dani-sized dash of positivity and that's what I'm gonna give you. What's spurred me to write about heartache when my own heart's not aching? Lately I've been receiving a lot of questions about how to be happy even when your heart is breaking from my readers, and, though I must admit that in the past I haven't been the best at dealing with my personal pain, I think I have a new outlook on how one might deal with a broken heart and I want to share my advice with you (and store it for myself for later should I ever be faced with a broken heart myself!).

So, those of you suffering from a broken heart (or anyone who has suffered from one) knows that it's probably one of the worst feelings in the world. When you're down in the depths of heartache it feels like nothing in the world will bring you out of your pain. It feels like nothing you do, nothing anyone else says, can make you feel better. I know that feel. It flat out sucks. I'm not going pretend I have a cure all for getting rid of that terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. I'm not going to sit here and claim I have a solution that will make all of your sadness go away. But here's the deal. You have a choice. You can either continue to be miserable (which, let's face it, isn't exactly bringing him or her back to you, is it?) or you can pull yourself together and move on. So what's it gonna be? It's totally up to you. Believe me, I know first hand that you can wallow in that self-pity for as long as you please. Days, weeks, months can go by before you even realize that you're wasting your life away, completely consumed by your sadness. Is that what you really want? To be sad? To be feeling sorry for yourself? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure most of us want to be happy. It's not at all easy to be happy when it feels like your heart has been splintered into a million little pieces, but it's up to you. Cheesy as it might sound, you can be anything you want to be. You want to be sad? Be sad. But if you want to be happy, read on...

How To Be Happy When Your Heart Feels Like Someone Smashed It With A Hammer

Accept the fact that you feel terrible, alone, and worthless. Yes, you feel like your heart and mind have been beaten. You feel defeated. You feel alone. You feel, for brief moments, like just throwing in the towel and giving up. It's okay to feel bad. You're supposed to. It's normal. One of the most important things I've learned in my path to positivity is that you can't just brush the bad emotions aside. Sure, it would be fabulous if we could be oh-so-happy all the time, but that's not life. Life sucks sometimes. Really sucks. We get mad, we get sad, we get hurt. That's just how it is. I used to try to avoid any of the bad feelings. I used to just drink or distract myself with other unhealthy pastimes, but that only caused the feelings to hide out in the back of my mind, building up on one another until they became this big, horrible mess of sadness and anger. It was not good. You don't want that to happen to you so deal with your pain and sadness. You're experiencing a loss and that hurts. It's okay for it to hurt. Sit with your sadness for a bit and allow yourself to feel how you feel.

Drag yourself out of that puddle of self pity. Okay, it's one thing to let yourself experience your emotions, but enough with the cartons of ice cream, the bags of chips, and the endless reruns of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Pull yourself together. It is, no matter what you feel like, completely unacceptable to sit around in your PJs for days, doing nothing but crying and watching Lifetime movies. It might sound harsh, but you have to get a grip. It feels awful, yes, but life goes on. It has to. You won't spend the rest of your life wallowing (even though right now it feels like you might) so you might as well get a jump start on your new, exciting, single life right now. Get up. Get dressed. Get going. Do something -- anything -- other than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Sadness in small doses is fine. Sadness is large quantities is just selfish. Get out there and do something productive, happy, and fun. Think about it like this: This is your life. Right now. What if today were your last day? Would you want to spend in wallowing in sadness? I think not!

Gather up your best friends and do something fabulous. Whenever you're going through a rough time, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with the people who love you (and, yes, this is different from the people youlove). Surround yourself with positive, happy, loving people and you'll instantly start to feel better. Think about something you really love to do (maybe something that your ex didn't ever want to do) and do it. Take your friends and get going on a fabulous adventure, even if that adventure is just a night of dining out. (Remember: Anything can be an adventure if you make it into one!) The key to going out and doing something fun with friends is not to think about and dwell on your sadness. Yes, you might want to bring it up, but don't. You probably discussed it plenty when it first happened, so leave it behind for your fabulous adventure of fun. Your wonderful friends are making an effort to spend time with you -- they love you! -- so don't bring everyone down by being a huge downer. Distract yourself. Ask them about their lives (and don't you dare make a face when they bring up their wonderful significant others!). Engage people (maybe even strangers!) in a random conversation about an interesting topic. Don't go out and sit in a corner and mope. Go out and have fun!

Remember who you are and embrace that person. You are you. No matter how close you were with your ex, you are not a product of the relationship you were in. You were you before you met that person and you are still you now. And, you know what? You're pretty awesome. No one else can be you. No one will ever be. And that's pretty cool, right? So let's think about you. What are you? Who are you? What do you like to do? What are your favorite songs? Favorite activities? Favorite movies? Think about these things (write them down if you want) and remember that no one -- no matter how bad they might make you feel in a moment of heartache -- can take you away from you. No matter what happens in life, you always have yourself so you better work on loving that person and celebrating how awesome he or she is. If you really love yourself, really believe that you are great, no one can take that away from you. People will hurt you, yes, but that's okay. It's okay to be hurt and to feel shitty, but it's not okay to let those feelings take away from your self worth. You are an awesome person -- we all are -- and you deserve to be happy. Since you can't be happy with someone else right now, you better be happy with yourself. Take this heartache and see it as a reminder to celebrate all of the great things about you -- the you that is just you, not the you that is half of a pair.

Learn from the heartbreak and let it go. Every heartbreak hurts. It really does. Even when you go out with your friends and tell yourself you're great and do all of the things you loved to do before you met that other person, you're probably going to still feel pretty bad at times. Let yourself feel bad (but not for too long!) and think about how you can learn from the pain you're feeling. I really do believe that there's a lesson in everything and every painful experience I've gone through has proved that to me. Even when I've felt like giving up, like just screaming until my lungs collapsed, I was learning. Even though it didn't feel like it at the time, I was becoming stronger and better and learning more about myself and the world. I've always had a hard time letting the pain and sadness go. As I've mentioned to you before, I identified myself with being the downer, with being sad and sarcastic. It's hard for me to look at my pain from a distance and say, "Oh, you again. Go away!" I'm much more tempted to say, "Oh, hello old friend! Please come in!" But it does no good to hang on to pain and sadness. It's okay to experience it, to learn from it, but it doesn't do anyone (especially you!) any good to hang on to it. It's not a raft. It's an anchor. And it will drag you straight to the bottom of the ocean of self pity if you cling to it. My advice? Accept it. Learn from it. Let it go.

And that's pretty much what I'd say to sum up this post: Accept it. Learn from it. Let it go. It doesn't work to pretend it's not happening and it doesn't really help you in the long run if you don't try to learn from it and it certainly doesn't do any good to cling to your heartache like a drowning, desperate crazy person. Not only are sadness, desperation, and anger unattractive qualities (should you ever feel like dating again), but they are pretty damaging to any attempts you're making to live a positive life. As I said before, I'm pretty sure we all want to be happy. It's a pretty basic, human desire. And, as you know, I do believe that happiness is a choice. When you're battling a broken heart, choosing happiness is far from easy, but it is still possible. Remember that it's up to you. No one else is going to make you feel better. No one else is going to truly be able to pull yourself out of your sadness. It's up to you. Choose to accept it, learn from it, and let it go. Choose to be happy.

Source: Positively Present

Play On: Move Forward 2:35 AM

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on."

- Nicholas Sparks

Whether you're from a bitter breakup or about to face a new chapter of your life, I dare say one thing: MOVING is important.

We all face it at one point - closing a chapter of your life because turning the page is necessary to get on with the rest of the story.

Words are so inadequate right now and I can't put everything to words no matter how good I am at it. So I depended on music, something that works when all other else fail.

As silly as it is, I created a playlist composed of the songs that sing about my life and my state of mind. As of late, I can also see that others may use it, too.

“Sooner or later we've all got to let go of our past.” 

- Dan Brown, 'Deception Point'

Forgive my choice of music, though, I'm all for the words right now.

1. 'Starts with Goodbye', Carrie Underwood

"It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye."

2. 'Are You Happy Now', Michelle Branch

"I’ve had all that I can take, I'm not about to break 'cause I’m happy now." 

 3. 'Behind These Hazel Eyes', Kelly Clarkson

"No, I don't cry on the outside anymore."

4. 'Go Your Own Way', Fleetwood Mac

"You can go your own way, you can call it another lonely day."

5. 'Gonna Get Over You', Sara Bareilles

"I'll be alright, just not tonight. Someday."

6. 'Better in Time', Leona Lewis

"I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time."

7. 'It Ends Tonight", The All-American Rejects

"Just a little insight won't make this right. It's too late to fight. It ends tonight."

8. 'Shake It Out', Florence + The Machine

"I am done with my graceless heart, so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart."

9. 'Sometimes You Leave', Carrie Underwood

"Sometimes you stick around trying to change them, ,make them someone that they'll never be and sometimes you leave."

10. 'The War Is Over', Kelly Clarkson

"I'm right here. I know you see me but your words no longer defeat me."

11. 'Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)', Kelly Clarkson

"You didn't think that I'd come back. I'd come back swinging. You tried to break me, but you see, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

You see, aside from being a huge Kelly Clarkson fan, she's the queen of breakup songs, really. I have around six more songs in this playlist but I chose to post only the best ones. (And also removed the Aerosmith and Queen classics that I have)

“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.”

                                                       - C. JoyBell C.

Someone’s waiting for you, too. 6:41 AM

I used to speak big about love.

I remember a period in time, when love was everything I have talked about.

Well, as they say it, you talk about something you know. You talk about something you experience first-hand and you talk about something you’ve felt.

That period of time was long gone but I guess the lessons, the feelings linger; how my heart would beat faster, how my knees would go weak, how my words got stuck in my throat.

I remember them vividly because I know, for one moment in my life, I was really happy.

It’s a cliche, how one person can mean the world to you.

My first love was amazing.

Yeah, imagine how amazing it was given the fact that I am here talking about it.

I don’t know how many people would be reading this but I want to share these thoughts because my first love didn’t just hurt big time; at one point in time, it was really great.

Telling this story backwards, it ended somewhat tragically, in a very anti-climatic way. It faded, somewhere along the line we’ve crossed. It iced somewhere along the roads we’ve traveled. Somehow, you knew it was bound to end but it would still hurt when it does because you always hoped for the best.

I did.

I hoped for the best but I realized, some things were bound to happen to teach us lessons we’ll never learn otherwise.

I have traveled the pity road, the self-pity road. I can’t help it. I guess it’s normal for people who have lost something they’ve set their heart into.

But looking at it now, I still smile; and not the bitter kind of smile.

I still smile because the memories were still great and I still became the person I never thought I’d be.

When you fall in love, you learn something about yourself as you learn a lot about the other person. As you go through it, you’ll know the lengths you’d be willing to go, you’ll know just how much you can give; you’ll know just how much you can take.

I think, when we experience it, the only thing we can take from it is the experience itself.

I learned to take the risk.

I learned to dare to cross the line.

I learned to give more than I could and then take something I can.

Funny.

I sit here, at six in the evening contemplating – and smiling all the while – about that period in time and I know I'm bound to remember that for the rest of my life.

Once in my life, I was really happy.

It makes me smile to know that I still have a chance – to experience it all over again.

And although I know first loves are always incomparable, I won’t give up.

You shouldn’t too.

There aren’t many people who are lucky enough to have someone beside them. Some people aren’t even lucky enough to know what they want.

And you know what; I am one of those people.

I don’t know what I want but… I know what I don’t.

I haven’t found the one but I know… there’s always someone for everyone.

Time will come.

The person will come.

It doesn’t have to be today but someday sounds good.

Just remember that when the glass is half-empty, the glass is also half-full. I suggest you take on the latter because being cynical; being negative only makes us miserable.

It’s not the situation that’s bad, it’s how we look at it.

Sometimes, only sometimes, we just have to believe.

It takes courage to believe.

It takes faith to believe.

But faith is worth holding on to because faith gives hope.

Hope that someday, somewhere, someone’s waiting for you, too.

Even Destiny has an Expiry Date 5:33 PM

Here I go again with Danielle LaPorte.

Why does she say the right things?

find a new target for your long-unfulfilled dreams: a love story.

*names have been changed to protect the identity of the temporarily heart-broken

Louise* and Lance* were best friends. Just friends, never so much as smooched. They were roomies, they got drunk at concerts together, they slept in the same tent, exchanged great Christmas presents. Lance dated other people. Louise was in love with Lance. Plain as day, we all could see it. Well, maybe someday Lance will get it.

Twelve years went by. New partners and holidays came and went. It was good n' truly time for Louise to lay down the torch. She decided make a pitch. This is the crescendo of all romantic comedies where the protagonist decides to go for it:

It's 4am and we'd all been dancing at a fabulous wedding. Louise and Lance are slow dancing as the DJ starts packing up. There is a small audience of us in the corner table balancing Stella bottles and wearing neckties around our heads. "Oh...my...I think she's going for it," one of the cast says. We lean in to gawk, trying to read their lips.

Sure enough, with heart in hand and Cabernet courage Louise made her overture...Do you think we could make a go of it? Lance listened. He's a great guy. He listened softly. And softly he said: If it were going to happen, it would have happened by now. Truth bomb. Gently dropped.

If it were going to happen, it would have happened by now.

Even destiny has an expiry date. This is such primal wisdom. I'm all for relentless dreaming and fierce faith. But if you're spending an overly long time trying to wish, hammer, hope, push and ploy things into form, maybe it's time to point your dream in another direction. If a crop isn't growing, the farmer doesn't keep wasting water and fertilizer on it. He yanks it out, tills the soil and plants a whole new kind of seed.

Let 'em go. Kill the project. Shut down a division. And take that same longing for love, or creative fulfillment, or phat cash and face forward!

Here's To The Past 4:34 PM

When it comes to inspiring stuff, one of my main resorts is Danielle LaPorte. She writes simply and straight to point. Her sentiments are so easy to relate with that sometimes, when I read her posts, I hear myself talking. Most of the time, she voices out just what I needed to hear or know, or see.

People like her make you realize that someone out there is going through the same thing that you're in; that you're not alone.

I'm posting one of her posts that made me say, "Oh, yes. Amen to that."

I didn't want to post something inspired by it because LaPorte said it the best way the message could be said.

So, I'm posting it.

Maybe, it can help you.

For rage-babes, flakes and tyrants: get over it

We are the sum total of our experience. And undeniably, it is our past ... as well as our essential spirit - that informs our character, whether that past is recent or centuries gone by. The altered state a-ha’s I’ve had about possible past lives, the insights I've had on acid in my twenties (except for that one really paranoid trip where I couldn't talk for three hours,) and the wit from gifted therapists and wise girlfriends has helped me to explain the fears and flaws that I've been dragging with me for years.
It is essential to whole living that you get to the source of your pain and screwed up choices. What happened in your childhood or another life informs patterns in your current reality. But sooner or later, you’ve simply got to get over using yesterday to explain today’s behavior.
Decide to just get over it. Let it be that simple.
For most of us who had normally dysfunctional upbringings (I’m not talking about suffering exceptional atrocities or repetitive abuses,) our past is no excuse to continue being a flake, a tyrant, obnoxiously needy, or a rage-babe. Look, we’re all terrific for going to therapy, for having past life insights, and reading Wayne Dyer. Yeah for the New Age. Really. But knowing why you’re so screwed up is only half the journey.
“My father never told me I’m pretty, so now I’m fat.”
“I was a pilgrim burned at the stake in my past life so now I’m afraid to voice my opinions.”
“My mother was overly emotional so I suppress my feelings for fear of being like her.”
Choose to let it be done.
I once dated a guy who thought he was Jack Evolved because he’d done enough time in therapy to know that his parents’ affair-riddled marriage rendered him commitment-phobic. “Babe," he'd start to explain, "I’m just repeating my father’s behavior, it’s like, deep stuff." Uh-huh. Like I care why you’re a two timing narcissist. Maybe a few more hours of therapy would have unearthed the courage in him to be a good boyfriend. I’ll take faithful over self-helped any day.
Therapy, yes. Strategy, yes.
It is immensely, undeniably valuable to excavate the origin of your fear and your pain. It’s down right essential. But when you start using that awareness as an excuse to stay stuck, you become the worst kind of victim. This is one of the potential problems with talk therapy. The rehashing of who-done-you-wrong and how it screwed you up could be better spent on making a plan to take full responsibility for creating a future that does right by your tremendous potential. I think after some incredible therapy, most people could do with a kick-butt life coach that helps them strategize and be accountable to their dreams.
An acquaintance and I were talking about her relationship with her step dad. It was no secret that they’d had a rough ride and there had been plenty said and done to make them both bitter. She was now working for him. I saw them laughing together, being affectionate, respectful.
“So...what changed?” I asked her. “You two were barely speaking at one point.”
“We just decided to get over it," she shrugged. “You know, just let it go. So we did.”
Maybe enlightenment is a decision that has little to do with the past.

 Visit Danielle LaPorte: www.whitehottruth.com

Be inspired. x

If only feelings had a delete button. 10:16 PM

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone 6:21 PM

If it wasn't for Lea Michele's tweet, I wouldn't have found out that Kelly Clarkson has released her album. Yeah, and I call myself a fan of KC. Anyway, so yesterday, as eager as I was, I listened to all of Kelly's new songs in her latest album.

 And, for crying out loud, I was so jumpy when I heard this song.

What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

Kelly Clarkson

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in color
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby, you don't know me, 'cause you're dead wrong

[chorus]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone

[bridge]
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself, and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on, over you
You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

[repeat chorus]

[repeat bridge]

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken-hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me
You know in the end the day you left is just my beginning
In the end

[repeat chorus]

[repeat bridge x2]

I'm not alone