Dear Lora,
There were so many days you wasted on dwelling on the "I'm not good enough" phase.
People don't understand you. People don't generally like you. People won't interact with you if the timing didn't require them to.
So you stayed silent. You stayed under the radar, occasionally shining whenever you can't help it. You cry at the stupidest things and sometimes you get mad easily. Then, in one minute you're happy.
They don't understand the way you're acting because they don't know you. Maybe because you never really bothered to show them the real you but it's also because no one really bothered to try. They don't understand your mood swings. They don't understand your hunger for attention. They will never understand your need to be loved.
They never knew that all you were asking for is love.
They will never understand you because they do not know you. They do not know that you are a kid who had the ability to feel a lot of things, all at the same time. Your a kid who appreciates life just because you are alive and you're thankful for it.
Yet, you never showed them the real you because most of the people who surrounded you lived in a caged belief of life. So you stayed under the radar and never spoke of how you truly felt.
You never fought the people who tried to put you down because you didn't think you're powerful enough. You didn't think you can handle them because you felt that you were so inadequate.
If it makes any difference, dear, I hope you'd start believing that you are a wonderful kid.
You never hated the people who stepped on you. You never hated the people who tried to put you down. You are a wonderful kid and I always hoped you realized that earlier in your life. Maybe if you did, you would have maximized your potentials.
You are an amazing little girl.
You are strong.
You are enough.
No one ever told you that before but here I am, your 21-year old self telling you that you are enough.
Don't be scared to go out there and fight for another day because life is battle for survival. No one ever told you this but you are strong enough to handle life. No one ever told you that you're so much more than the girl who looked at the people who made you believe they're better than you.
I admire you because although you sometimes envied those kids who were richer and more beautiful than you, you never wished for another face, another school or another life. I admire you because you knew, inside your heart and believed that you'll get somewhere else, somewhere better.
I am your 21-year old self telling you that you made it out of the shadows of people who told you that you will be a loser for the rest of your life.
I am your 21-year old self telling you that you are enough. You've always been enough.
I am warning you up until your 21 not many people will tell you that you are enough. A lot of people will ask a lot of changes and things from you but on the 12th of January 2012, someone will tell you that you are enough. That someone is the one that counts the most because it YOU. This me, YOU. Telling you that you are enough.
I wish people have given you the chance to be part of their lives before. I wish people didn't shut you out when you asked for friendship. I wish people tried to love you.
You were too young to be left out. You were too young for the world's cruelty. You were too young for the world.
I wish people have given you the chance.
But you know what, you took that chance anyway.You never let them get inside your head.
They hurt you but they didn't break you and at the end of the day, it's all that matters. I hope you'll never change the way you look at life because you looked at it as place to explore. At an early age, you knew that it's a cruel world but you still walked outside of your small house with your head held up high because you chose to take the good things instead.
Lora, if this still matters, I hope you learn to love yourself as much as your 21-year old self loves herself.
Thank you for not letting those people damage you forever because your 21-year old self is proud of you.
Yes, Lora. They tried to break you. They tried to make you believe that you are not good enough. They tried to make your self-doubt kill you. So, thank you because you didn't believe them.
You bended. But you never broke.
Love,
Your 21-Year Old Self (With Such Unbridled Talent)
PS
See? You love yourself so much.
